Death On A Shoestring

Should you be favouring the economy version of Death in a time of recession,
Here is our experts’ list of handy hints and tips.
Of course, (and this for all Radio 4 listeners),
In many cultures, minimal is the given.
It’s not simply a question of inadequate water and sanitation
Or lack of laptops or iPods, but more that
You can’t take it with you and so you reduce life to
Its essentials: a friendly word, a spoonful of porridge,
A Coca Cola, a cellular blanket and a motherly nurse.
Don’t give in to the depressive mode,
Death takes all away, so ask your doctor for some
SSRI inhibitors, and don’t forget to give yourself small treats,
Some M&Ms, a new handbag, some Jimmy Choos.
Open the curtains, the night is over. It’s a new day
Full of productivity and wealth creation.
Those dreams were Nature’s car crash TV,
Don’t believe a word (or Google it).
And your loneliness, your numbness,
Your lift to the Lower Ground (the Bottom Line),
Your Senior Moments (there goes the past),
Your disappointment with the way it’s turned out
(There go the present and the future)?
Privatisation would stop all that; down with the
Nanny State and its vested interests;
Eat your soup, read your ‘Daily Mail’,
Your last moments on earth,
Your last day in the light of your Earth Mother’s eyes,
Will be aromatic as a download,
As cosily familiar as John Lewis,
As zero degree as a thousand shopping days,
For are we not, with our sharpened cheekbones
And our anorexic needs,
The sina qua non of shabby chic?